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Quotes
I love quotes, of all sorts. I figured it might be an idea to put some of my favourites on here. Starting with the longest quote I can remember, ad verbatim.
The Road Dogg Jesse James, with Billy Gunn. (1997-2000)
(Road Dogg theme music starts. Dogg and Gunn walk down the aisle.)
RD: 'Oh You didn't know?!? Well your ass better calllll somebody....'
RD: 'Oh Hell yeah!'
(Dogg and Gunn enter ring)
RD: 'Welcome to the Dogg house!'
(Crowd barks)
RD: 'It's me, the DO-Double G, with the Bad Ass Billy G....'
RD: 'Let's make a little noise in this dog house!'
RD: 'Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... D-Generation X proudly brings to you it's tag team champions of the worllllld.... The Road Dogg Jesse James, the Bad Ass Billy Gunn, The New Age Outlaws....'
BG: 'And if you ain't down with that, we got two words for ya!'
RD, BG, & crowd: 'SUCK IT!!!'
(Note: OK, so it's wrestling, which a lot of you don't like, but it's amazing to hear 30,000 people all chanting along, absolutely word perfect)
William Shakespeare's view on man
What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form, in moving, how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!
This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Follow the three R's:
Respect for self.
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Diana shows that flexibility is all important in a relationshp...
Best Bond film dialogue
Lots of entries here:
Bond: 'Do you expect me to talk?'
Goldfinger: 'No Mr. Bond! I expect you to die!'
Bond, after electrocuting a bad guy: 'Shocking.'
(Both Goldfinger)
Admiral Roebuck: 'I don't think you have the balls for this job.'
M: 'Perhaps not, but that means I don't have to think with them.'
(Tomorrow Never Dies)
Bond girls: While I await inspiration regarding more Bond lines, here's a list of some of the less subtle names given to Bond girls.
Pussy Galore: Goldfinger
Kissy Suzuki: You Only Live Twice
Plenty O'Toole: Diamonds Are Forever
Holly Goodhead - Moonraker
Octopussy - Octopussy
Lupe Lamora - License To Kill
Xenia Onatopp - Goldeneye
Christmas Jones - The World Is Not Enough
Molly Warmflash - The World Is Not Enough
...while Matt show's he prepared to bend over backwards to keep Diana happy
From my friends
'I just <tshhh> I... I... <tshhh> I don't know, you know?' - Stewart
'Your mum... and chips' - Stewart
'I've got no gun, I live forever...' - Stewart
'Jam.' - Stewart
'I was in the bath, and when I got out, they'd delivered a frdge!' - Stewart
'You smell, and your mumma dresses you funny' - Jonathan, Terence and Judith
'Matt and Mike are quite similar, you know.' <Thinks> 'Actually, no, you're right, they're not.' - Jay
'I know a dry sieve when I see one' - Myself
'Hey! Cool! Your t-shirt matches your car!' - Lucy
'I is getting married!' - Matt
'I was never confused' - Jay
'No thanks, I'm full' - Matt, in theory, though he always forgets to say it, until reminded by me, Jay or Terence.
General Pop Culture
' 'Ello, I've got legs!' - Eddie Izzard
'If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid' - Eddie Izzard
'It's the American Dream, putting babies on spikes' - Eddie Izzard
'Me fail English? That's un-possible' - Ralf Wiggum
'Doh!' 'Nuts!' 'Mmm.... Donuts...' - Homer Simpson T-Shirt
'Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.' - Lisa Simpson
'I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.' - Lionel Hutz
'Whenever I'm confused, I check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.' - Grampa Simpson
(Last five, of course, from The Simpson's)
'How you doin'?' - Joey Tribbiani
'I can't believe I'm kissing someone whose pool I once peed in.' - Monica Gellar
'Booyakasha!' - Ali G
'Is it because I is black?' - Ali G
'Always - always remember... Less is less, more is more, more is better, and twice as much is good too. Not enough is bad, and too much is never enough except when it's just about right.' - The Tick.
"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia" - Fear of long words.
'Cluck, cluck, gibber, gibber, my old man's a mushroom, etcetera' - Blackadder
"I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. So stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid.You are trans-stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid.
"You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know." - This is the signature attached to the bottom of someone's e-mails. it's fairly cool, really.
'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy' - Unknown, probably Irish.
While Admiral Andre and Lieutenant Lambe recreate the Battle of Midway, Diana's disembodied head watches Terence begin the old 'ice cube down the back of the neck' joke.
Poetry
Not mine, so don't worry. Instead a poem I found in a novel by Tom Clancy, somewat incongruously, given the book is about biological warfare. I've learned to take my pleasures where I find them.
Ascension by Colleen Corah Hitchcock
And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
- behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar togeter again,
- both aware of each other.
Until then, live life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
... I will be there.
Tomorrow -Author unknown
When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see, if the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, while thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you, and each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand, that an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand.
She said my place was ready, in Heaven far above, and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye, for all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do, it seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you, and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be, for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you. Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last, and since each day's the same way there's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true, though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free. So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.
Sex quotes
"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." Tom Clancy
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,natural, wholesome things that money can buy."Steve Martin
"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." Drew Carey
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience,but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good." Woody Allen
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Unknown
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." Rodney Dangerfield
"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." Bill Kelly
"As the French say, there are three sexes - men, women and clergymen." Rev. Sydney Smith
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Woody Allen
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." Sam Austin
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." George Burns
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." Matt Barry
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." Camille Paglia
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease." Unknown
"My kid had sex with your honor student." Bumper Sticker
"My sexual preference is not you." Tshirt
"Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life." Michael Sinz
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." Woody Allen
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with rope." George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." Henry Miller
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynn Lavner
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." P. J. O'Rourke
Pratchett quotes
" Tell me... Is it better, being an ape?" "Ook." "Really?" - Guards, Guards
Wizards lack the HW chromosome in their genes. Feminists have isolated this as the one which allows people to see the washing up in the sinks before the life forms growing there have actually invented the wheel - The Last Continent
The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green, and the cab behind you honking - Lords and Ladies
The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out - Wyrd Sisters
Mysterious caves and tunnels always have luminous fungi, strangely bright crystals or at a pinch merely an eldritch glow in the air, just in case a human hero comes in and needs to see in the dark. Strange, but true. - Men at Arms
The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and burden to the soul. They, therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible to reduce the risk to innocent people - Witches Abroad
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