Theories

Free Web Hosting Provider - Web Hosting - E-commerce - High Speed Internet - Free Web Page

Sergei's law It's always in the last place you look (Search-e's law, you see...)

Perpetual motion If a cat always lands on its feet, and toast always lands butter side down, then strap a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and throw it out of a window. The result will be the cat hovering above the ground, continually spinning, as the conflicting laws fight for dominance.

Cat's theory is that Michal looks better without all his hair... I'll let you judge

Perfect boyfriends If, as I have theorised elsewhere, Matt, Terence and myself stand at the points of an equilateral triangle, that means that between us, we have all the attributes necessary for two complete -and, therefore, perfect- men. Lord alone knows who stands at the middle of the triangle. Clive, perhaps.

Wrestling is the world's best entertainment Ah, wrestling. The only soap in the world where you care about the characters, and the acting is believable. Throw in acts of extreme violence, wild crowds, and unforgettable angles and bumps, and you have the finest entertainment known to man. Strangely, none of you seem ready to believe this theory. I have decided to expound upon it, and the results may be found here.

Tottenham will win a trophy this season "It's lucky for Spurs when the year ends in one / They first won the Cup when the century begun / It's lucky for Spurs when the year ends in one / So this is the year for Spurs" Okay, this didn't work out. New theory is that Spurs only win trophies when the year ends *and* begins in one, hence 1901, 1961, 1991 etc... Our next trophy is now due in 10001. Anyone know the price of a ticket at Leeds?

Michal's theory was that he hurt his leg exercising. Out theory was that this was the funniest claim ever.

Jesus is an alien Matt's theory, not mine. First off, we have the Annunciation, a flying being, clearly not human, appears before Mary and tells her she is going to be a Virgin mother. So we have abduction, impregnation with an alien child, and a close encounter of the first kind, all in the first chapter of the Gospels. Next is the birth in the stable. The parent aliens are from an advanced race, which fully understands the concept of marketing. Jesus' birth in the stable is the perfect beginning to 'The Greatest Story Ever Told' (TM). Next up is the 'star' that the Three Wise Men follow to Bethlehem. Clearly an alien spaceship, as star's do not themselves move, and meteorites are only visible for a few seconds, not weeks. As Jesus grows up, he begins to exhibit strange and wonderful powers the likes of which have never been seen on Earth. Clearly Jesus powers come from an otherworldly source. Aliens are otherworldly. QED. After Jesus dies, he is resurrected. Almost. In fact, it's actually a clone, a technique which we are only now beginning to develop. Jesus' Ascension is parodied in one of the Simpson's Hallowe'en specials, where the family is taken aboard the alien ship using a tractor beam. Similar technology is in play here, too. Finally, when the Apostles see the Holy Spirit (alien life form), they are given the ability to speak other languages, which could only be done via an alien mind transfer. That explains why Jesus is an alien. (I should point out that Matt no longer believes this, in much the same way that he no longer believes that religion is boring.)

I should think before I speak Indisputable. Many, many people have been upset by my thoughtless words. Regardless of how justified I may feel I am, I have to learn to turn the other cheek. Anyone who has any suggestions on this, feel free to get in touch.

Farting is the world's greatest pleasure Think I don't get out much? Ever let a silent one go in a crowded lift just before getting out? Heaven...

There should be more ceilidhs Gaelic style dances are great fun, and everyone get so knackered that partners change constantly. Everyone gets to dance, everyone enjoys themselves, everyone is happy.

One into two goes...? Doppelganger, double, duplicate, call it what you wall, but everyone has at least one person out there who is their double. For evidence, I present the London Borough of Barnet planning department, which, bizarrely, housed doubles of Diana (spiritual double), Cat (physical double), and Judith (both). Scary stuff, especially seeing them all together.